The Early Ups and Downs of Motherhood

The day I found out I was pregnant with my son was full of mixed emotions. Most of them happy, but I did have a few concerns and fears as well. All of which I am sure any new mum would have when faced with the reality that you are going to be responsible for a new little life! The first test came back negative and we were surprisingly disappointed. On a hunch a week later I did another test and it showed I was in deed expecting!
Emotions at this point were elation and fear. My job situation at that time was not stable and knowing that I would be eight months pregnant and out of a job was quite a concern. To help with any possible financial strains we moved in with my mum to plan our financial future.

It also turned out it wasn’t the most welcome news to my nine-year-old stepson who expressed his objection to a new sibling in several different ways. All which made me start to think that having a baby may not be the best idea for us.
By the sixth month mark my mental health had started to take a heavy decline. I would forget to eat and started to lose weight rapidly. My partner and I were arguing regularly, mostly about finances and how upset his son was. Panic was setting in and I started to think in ways that scared me. I realised it would be a good idea to get help – it was at that point I was diagnosed with antenatal depression.
Going on medication was not an easy thing to do, and once the script was filled I still did not take it until a week later. I had felt like I had failed – what type of mother would I be if I couldn’t function without medication? Then someone pointed out that if I had cancer or another health issue, I would not think twice about getting the right help. I heavily researched the pros and cons of medicine and with a heavy heart started to take the antidepressants.
Three months later I was a different person. My weight stabilised, my stepson’s outbursts did not affect me as deeply as they had before and leaving a toxic workplace had helped me to control my emotions and look forward to meeting my son. His birth was ‘eventful’ to say the least (coincidence? hmm), it was physically hard on me throughout our first year together as a new family. But with every month that has passed since, I have grown more and more in love with him.
When my son was three months old I was approached by some friends from church who asked me if I would style their wedding later that year. I had spoken before with mutual friends about my dream of being a wedding stylist and thought how amazing it was this couple were willing to take a chance on me. I couldn’t say no and thought it may help me get my foot in the door.

Bone & Willow was born and what a great outlet for me. I am quite a creative person and being able to focus some of my energy and thoughts to creating people’s wedding dreams has been a lifesaver. The combination of Bone & Willow, the proper medication and regular mental health check-ups has been very beneficial, not just for me but my entire family.

Thank you for being kind and reading this. I look forward to sharing more with you about the different hats I wear.

Author: Amanda jane

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